"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."
"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"
"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."
"I love Guns N’ Roses. Reminds me of the last time I tried to pick flowers from my neighbor’s garden."
"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."
"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"