William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"You can use your mouth to speak the words I love you, or you can use your mouth to kiss me and transport love from your mind to my heart."

"All thoughts, secret or spoken, belong in a coffee table book written in Braille, so you can really feel the emotions."

"I can't throw away cologne because that is Nostalgia in a Bottle, the scent of yesterday, and it reminds me of her more clearly than her picture."