"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."
"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."
"One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine."
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is."
"I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do."
"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."