Ellen DeGeneres

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."

"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."

"Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log."

"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."

"While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses."

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."

"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."

"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings."

"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is."

"I would love for the world to be happier."

"One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine."

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

"For some reason, we can't just enjoy somebody else's success. Somehow, that's going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less - and I don't know why."

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

"I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do."

"I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things."

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."