"I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric."
"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"
"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"
"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."
"I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy."
"If what you wear says more about who you are then what you say when you speak, then my advice is to keep quiet and wear loud clothing."