"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."
"I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?"
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."
"What if guns shot clouds, rather than bullets? Then they’d not only be peaceful, but they’d be delayed water guns. Is there a Nobel Farm Prize?"
"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."