"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."
"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."
"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."
"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."