More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you merge an emergency with a mannequin, that’s how I look at networking events. Panicked stillness, that’s the look I’ve perfected in an effort to make myself appear more approachable."
"I’m giving a free concert tonight. Seating is limited, so bring your own toilet. While there is no admission price, if you bring 100 dollars, it’s like a roll of toilet paper."
"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."
"Once a Ponce a time she made me feel like a conquistador. Now her memory is just a breeze seen in swaying Spanish moss."
"I knocked on her door twice. The second time was from the inside. That’s how love works. At first you want in, and then you want out."