The scent of Florida honeysuckle uplifted in a spring breeze... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."

"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."

"I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"