More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."
"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."
"Trying to hide my feelings to avoid getting hurt just ends up hurting not only myself—but also the person I am hiding my feelings from."
"I was gardening when I saw this snail/slug thing disguised as a leaf. Ah, isn't fall a wonderful time to slowly fall in love?"
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."