Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you... - Ellen DeGeneres

"Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it."

"One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine."

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."