This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer... - Jarod Kintz, Write like no one is reading 3

"I'm going to sell Flash Bang Wow Fuzz (not a drill) in a bottle, but I’m not sure how to market it. Maybe as a drinkable alternative to love."

"Though it comes from her throat, I drink the sound of her voice. Her I love yous dehydrate me, because they leave me thirsting for more."

"We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think we can make a batch or two by morning."

"I work in a secret whisper factory. It’s all very hush-hush. Her love for me could be found there, if it could be found at all, but it can’t, because it’s invisible."

"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."