"To be angry is easy, but to forgive is hard. That's why to love is easy, and to love is hard. I try to be so hard that I'm soft, like a liquid rock, fluid and forgiving, but unmovable in my resolve."
"We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs."
"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"I am an orange construction cone, and I say to you, “Caution.” This is my advice for love—and for driving while blindfolded, which is safer than love."
"She’s twelve hours in the future, and exactly half a world away. No matter how hard I try, I will always be a part of her past."
"People with money have to worry about who their real friends are. I don’t have that problem for two reasons: I don’t have any money, and I don’t have any friends."