When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope... - Erma Bombeck

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food"

"When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?"it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."

"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."