Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you... - Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."

"Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face."

"Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car."

"If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks."