Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you... - Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

"The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup."

"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."

"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."

"I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie."

"In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench."