Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you... - Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."

"Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car."

"I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie."

"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."

"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."