More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go."
"I didn’t give her my full attention. The bottle was half full when she started drinking. Still, from it she grew distracted, so my farming technique worked."
"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."
"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."
"I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, Who Moved My Cheese?! Did somebody let grandpa out of his cage again?"