More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She makes my heart melt. There is a limited supply of sips, so grab a straw and start slurping while you can."
"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."
"After soul searching, I found myself. Then I found myself giving of myself to a charity that finds missing children. It's great to be found."