"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."
"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."
"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."
"I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover."
"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."
"She asked me how I slept. Knowing she meant quality of sleep, I said I slept naked. It’s true. Ask any of the joggers who saw me sleepwalking."