#God

"You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. God chose you to be different. Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude?"

"Please Don't Commemorate Me Just Yet [10w] The living are only commemorated when they're at death's door."

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."

"If there were such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood."

"The Flood that Did Not Subside [10w] What would today's world be,If Noah's dove flew into obscurity?"

"New Age Hype Don't 'honor your feelings.'Half the time they're full of shit.Don't 'embrace' anything without a pulse.Mindfulness should include not listening to quacks."

"Athens, Texas Haiku Blackeyed Pea Capital of the World.Yup, just another shithole."

"Catalyst [10w] You're not lying if your lie helps engender the truth."

"Pamela Anderson Haiku Ben Stillerbeds Pamela Anderson.My alarm clock rings"

"Illinois State Motto State sovereignty, national union.Life begins and ends with corruption."

"The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard, who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by 'God,' one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity."

"Carrots and Creativity [10w] Put a carrot in front of you for optimal creativity."

"Bonjour [10w] You're more obscure than first we met,"uttered with regret."

"Why do we mortals wonder if it is through 'human chaos' or through 'divine perfection' when the world guides us to some magical event? In either case, is not the result the same? Is the result not 'divine perfection?"

"Be content not with your lot in life but with being here in the flow of life. The glories of creation are in your very cells; you are made of the same mindstuff as the angels, the stars, and god himself."

"Jew in a Canoe Haiku Jew in a canoe,whitewater rushes, the canoe tips.The Jew doesn't."

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. [10w] + {Couplet} Network TV's insistent stupidity to the Outer Limits pushes me."

"Death [10w] What the the dying most resent is life goes on."

"Grateful [10w] + [10w] If you can't think of anything you should be grateful for,think that you can think and be grateful for that."

"All I can do is leave it in God's hands and hope that my fans feel where I'm coming from."