#paraphrased

"Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them."

"I'm trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief... I'm not in the business of offending people. I find the books upholding certain values that I think are important, such as life is immensely valuable and this world is an extraordinarily beautiful place. We should do what we can to increase the amount of wisdom in the world.[Washington Post interview, 19 February 2001]"

"All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental."

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

"If the bee disappeared off the face of the earth, man would only have four years left to live."

"Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it."

"All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!"

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"

"Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same -- with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead."

"There is no God and we are his prophets."

"What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell."

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."

"Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler."

"Do you hate people?”“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around."

"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

"I have something that I call my Golden Rule. It goes something like this: 'Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you.' … The twenty-five percent is for error."

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."