#humour

"Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand."

"I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room."

"May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch"

"Never did she find anything so difficult as to keep herself from losing her temper when she was suddenly disturbed while absorbed in a book."

"All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missing - and he won't be missed either."

"Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there's nothing quite like it. I feel sorry for those who don't know the trick. It's like whistling or singing."

"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for."

"Laughter is the antidote to existential pain"

"Of course I want to kill you,"said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to."

"Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees."

"I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability."

"Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead."

"You can't always be right, but you can be wrong a lot less"

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?"

"The human body is the best work of art."

"People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones."

"Learn to drive?""Never,"said Quentin. "My mission in life is to be a passenger."

"I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."