#humour

"In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive."

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

"When asked why I don't believe in God I reply, quite simply, "vaginas"."

"All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missing - and he won't be missed either."

"Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't."

"If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough."

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable."

"While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all."

"Emergency Valve Regulators,"she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?"Not really,"he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones."

"I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!"

"Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand."

"Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives."

"Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch."

"A few years ago it dawned on me that everybody past a certain age ... pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives. They don't want to be who they are any more. They want out. This list includes Thurston Howell the Third, Ann-Margret, the cat members of Rent, Václav Havel, space shuttle astronauts and Snuffleupagus. It's universal."

"May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch"

"When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.About Alex and Brittany."

"If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable."

"We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules."

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

"This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes."