#humour

"Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it."

"Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, "You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood."

"You don't want him,"she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis."The girls stared. "Syphilis?""Five percent of people in America have it,"said Ty helpfully."I do not have syphilis,"Mark said angrily. "There are no sexually transmitted diseases in Faerieland!"”Sorry,"Jules said. "You know how syphilis is. Attacks the brain."

"Headline?"he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'"I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'"he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'"I said."

"Finnick?"I say, "Maybe some pants?"He looks down at his legs as if noticing his outfit for the first time. Then he whips off his hospital gown leaving him in just his underwear. "Why? Do you find this"-- he strikes a ridiculously provocative pose -- "distracting?"I laugh. Boggs looks embarrassed and Finnick looks more like the guy I met at the Quarter Quell"

"Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work."

"Deux choses sont infinies : l’Univers et la bêtise humaine. Mais, en ce qui concerne l’Univers, je n’en ai pas encore acquis la certitude absolue."

"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather."

"Everywhere I go, I am asked if I think university stifles writers. My opinion is that it doesn't stifle enough of them."

"I wasn't saying whatever they're saying I was saying. I'm sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologize if that will make you happy. I still don't know quite what I've done. I've tried to tell you what I did do but if you want me to apologize, if that will make you happy, then OK, I'm sorry."

"Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead."

"You will suffer, son of Hades!’ What else is new? Nico thought."

"A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man"

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."

"Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up."

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

"You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON."

"I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them."

"If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough."

"FEAR stands for fuck everything and run."