Jarod Kintz, If you bring the booze and food, I'll bring the thirst and hunger

"Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart."

"Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow."

"Word of mouth—it's more powerful, more convincing, and more audible than word of hand. If you need me, I’ll be in the audience clapping."

"Word of mouth—it's more powerful, more convincing, and more audible than word of hand. If you need me, I’ll be in the audience clapping."

"Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart."