Ogden Nash

"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you."

"I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance."

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."

"Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental."

"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely."