More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"I'm sober. Yessiree, I quit drinking. I haven't had a beer in four hours. Now I just need some coffee and to get drunk on love poetry."
"We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling."
"The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing."
"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."