"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."
"When you find yourself in hot water, what else can you do but make a spot of tea? I still have a spot of tea on my shirt from yesterday."
"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."
"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."
"The wealthier I get, the more money I will have to not have, because my goal in getting is giving, and nothing is better than charity."
"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."