"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."
"I am an orange construction cone, and I say to you, “Caution.” This is my advice for love—and for driving while blindfolded, which is safer than love."
"I’ll write the first sentence in English and the second sentence will be nonsense translated to Russian, to make the ultimate non sequitur."
"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."
"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."
"If I fail to succeed, I have succeeded in failing."