"A poem for Beth: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I didn’t know what love meant, until I looked it up in the dictionary."
"I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love."
"I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems."
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."
"I found your love like I found religion: in an aluminum trashcan in the middle of the Utah desert."