"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."
"Logos on designer clothes don't make me feel like I've got a strong personal brand. No clothes make the man. Even wearing no clothes I'm still me."
"When I lost her I gained the future, because she was my past, and she freed me to become who I was born to be."
"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."
"The wind is my favorite color. It reminds me of the love she painted on my life as she blew past me."