"An empty ketchup bottle full of romantic quotes is just what I need to turn my cheeseburger into the perfect lover. Now you can get more romantic for an upcharge of just 69 cents."
"Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice."
"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."
"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."
"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."
"I’ll be your Dostoevsky, if you’ll be my Tolstoy. Our life together will be so full of despair that death will be like a gulag full of joy."