"An empty ketchup bottle full of romantic quotes is just what I need to turn my cheeseburger into the perfect lover. Now you can get more romantic for an upcharge of just 69 cents."
"I belong, and my penis, it be long."
"A raisin on the ground is full of hope that if it just keeps aging, it will turn into wine and get drunk on its wrinkly self."
"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."
"After soul searching, I found myself. Then I found myself giving of myself to a charity that finds missing children. It's great to be found."
"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."