"Are you OK with pissing people off to succeed? Because that’s what will happen. Success pisses off the unsuccessful."
"Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything that helps support man through difficult times."
"All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born."
"What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser."
"The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks."
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."