"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"
"All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born."
"You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"
"I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?"
"Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair."