More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"
"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."
"I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy."
"I wrapped your birthday present in carpet, because I bought you a floor. It’s so you have something other than me to walk all over."
"The going rate for love is going away. And the more you go away, the more expensive it gets."