More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."
"30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat."
"I feel robbing a bank would be the highest form of performance art. No need to pay to see me work. The Federal Reserve is subsidizing it."
"Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire."
"I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin."