Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That w... - Steve Martin

"I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic."

"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."