"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."
"The scent of Florida honeysuckle uplifted in a spring breeze reminds me of your love, and how fresh it was until it blew past me into my past."
"My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long."
"I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is."
"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."