"Her love used to be my lighthouse, and now it feels like I'm treading water in the dark. I’ll bet as soon as I start swimming, the sun will rise and color the sky with the romance of rose."
"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."
"I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift."
"I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one."
"I love kiss whispers—kisspers. Loose lips are full of passionate secrets."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."