"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."
"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."
"I’ll stand by you forever. Or at least until noon, and then I’ll go stand under the cabana. Isn’t love amazing?"
"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."
"You can use your mouth to speak the words I love you, or you can use your mouth to kiss me and transport love from your mind to my heart."