"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."
"Of all sports, wrestling is the most like cuddling. I’m all sweaty because I’m training hard to show her how much I love her."
"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."
"The last 33 years of my life have been a blur, like a hummingbird’s beating wings. Time flies, but not backwards, like a hummingbird can."
"When I go off the grid, my main source of light will be fireflies. Oh, and the glow that will come from the epic love poem I am writing for you."