More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard."
"I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real."
"My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time."
"When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box."
"There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up."