My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time. - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger."

"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it back in skull—what was I thinking?"

"Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists."