"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."
"Eat, fast, and then eat fast. It’s a diet for both the body and the soul."
"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."
"It takes guts to love with gusto. Most people love as if they wish they were invisible, and then they wonder why their affections go unnoticed."
"Either I will love you, or I will love you if and only if you love me in return. I prefer the former."