"Every guy says he's not like every guy, thus proving he is like every guy. Show me a guy who's different, and I'll tell you to stop pointing at me."
"Mannequin parts disassembled and discombobulated coming together for a good cause—to sell some clothes. That’s what charity is all about."
"Life goal: Swim in a lake full of soup, and instead of bathing suits we’ll wear Ziploc bags while we make love like we’re feeding the homeless."
"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."
"The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing."
"I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every pore on my body is dry."