"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."
"Me and her, we’re both hiding who we really are. This is a common practice. It’s called dating."
"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"Flowers are aromatic and romantic, and they grow exactly the way love does—with plenty of light, and watered with affection."
"New streets should be Twitter friendly and be named with hashtags up front. I’d build a house on #LoversLane."