She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could... - Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

"How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall)."

"I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all, that’s just some stranger hanging around in my memory."

"If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee."