I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bach... - Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee."

"You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called."