Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so G... - Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my heart. But it’s not for His benefit, it’s for my neighbors’."

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More quotes by Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type."
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"All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born."
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"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
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"Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head."
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"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More