"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
"All my best writing was written before 1982, and then a significant event happened to me: I was born."
"Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair."
"The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks."
"Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head."
"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."