"I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town."
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement."
"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"
"Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair."