I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a boo... - Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father."

"Are you happy here with me? Because if not, we can scoot over a few feet."

"I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car."

"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"

"All the ideas in the universe can be described by words. Therefore, if you simply take all the words and rearrange them randomly enough times, you’re bound to hit upon at least a few great ideas eventually. Sausage donkey swallows flying guillotine, my love assembly line."