"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."
"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."
"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."
"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."
"I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder."
"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."