"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."
"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."
"0 plus 100 equals 100. But so does 50 plus 50, only with more balance. Let this be a lesson in love."
"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."
"Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses."
"The size of your sighs tell how deeply you’re in love. How I feel is very much like a stressed and distressed midget trying to breathe."