More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"
"I didn’t give her my full attention. The bottle was half full when she started drinking. Still, from it she grew distracted, so my farming technique worked."
"I love deeply. I love long. I love wide and high. That's right, my love is interdimensional, and my vortex will heal your body and soul."
"I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight."